Could We Even Consider This???...
A couple of weekends ago, I got caught up watching tv. I usually don't know beforehand that I would get so taken in. This interferes with me doing my chores and running errands. I know. Excuses. Excuses. I started to get ready to go out, but ended up sitting down to watch several shows. I started watching Fat Camp or something like that on MTV. Then I watched several episodes of Real Life. One that I found to be most interesting was the one about arranged marriages. Three individuals were featured. One actually went through with the marriage. A few hours later, I watched "Bend It Like Beckham," which also touched upon the idea of arranged marriages. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have watched that movie. But since I was already parked on the couch, I was thinking, "Why not?" The movie was actually pretty entertaining.
For the most part, people here in the U.S. scoff at the idea of having family and friends find their future mates. They seem to think that such thinking and way of life still exists in backwards culture. I disagree with the scoffing part. I happen to see the value in a modified approach to arranged marriages.
I know for a fact that the world of dating is quite wild out here. It's hard to discern who is telling the truth. Who is married? Who has children? Are they custodial parents? If not, do they pay child support like they are supposed to? Are they in debt? Have they been in trouble with the law? Are they employed? People may laugh at me for wanting to ask these questions. But it seems like to me that anyone interested in a serious relationship should want to know the answers to these questions, too. But who has the time and the energy get this information without having to hire a private detective? Bump that. Why not let your family and friends (the ones you can trust and actually care about you) put you in touch with some eligibles? It sure would cut out some of the riffraff. *shrug* Why should we have to tolerate a drunken dude breathing on our necks for us to get the 411? I don't do the club scene. Do you really have to worry about the cute guy at the grocery store or gas station calling you? Did you give him your real telephone number? But you know what I mean. There is a lot of trial and error out here meeting folks.
What I like most about what I saw in the tv show was that the families, who moved to the U.S., simply brought the eligible men to the attention of their daughters and friends. No one was forced into marriage. The parents weren't even ashamed to say/demand that they wanted doctors or other serious professionals for their grown daughters. By the time, they had a dinner party or get together, the grown daughters had a good bit of information about their possible suitors. They knew their religion. Some had mutual friends. But most importantly, they could feel a little bit of comfort meeting men that their family and friends put their stamp of approval on. Could you imagine being fixed up with some real winners? I had the chance a while ago. A family friend was trying really hard to fix me up with a couple of fine brothers, who had something going for them. It's really a shame that I was painfully shy back then. More recently, another family friend asked to introduce me to his fraternity brother. I think I will agree to it this time around. It couldn't hurt. In fact, it might be a good idea. Of course, I will still have to put the work and the effort into still researching things myself. It's just good to have some more eyes looking out for me. I remember a trusted male friend telling me to stay away from a particular guy, because he had several babies (with a couple on the way) and baby momma drama scattered along the countryside. It turned out to be true. ZabaSearch doesn't keep a listing of facts like that.
If you are married, how did you meet your husband/wife? Did you meet him/her on your own or did you receive a little of help from your family and friends? If you are single, how do you prefer to meet dates?
8 comments:
I saw that MTV True Life episode about arranged marriages. And ain't no way in hell I'd let my family choose my mate for me. Their idea of who I should be with clashes with my own idea of who I should be with.
And there's no certain way that I prefer to meet dates. Heck, in the past, just something as simple as seeing someone at a red light has led to a date.
*lol* @ Nikki about the family's choices.
I'm still kicking myself about not taking up a family friend on those two brothers I met at a cookout a long time ago. I saw them again more recently a couple of years ago. They are still as fine as can be, but married.
You know, I think most of us would agree with some of the ideas of an arranged marriage, like you said. I mean after all, most of the guys I've dated I've been introduced to by a friend or co-worker or someone else close enough to know me.
I can't see myself ever going out with a perfect stranger... But then again, I don't want my mama fixing me up with "some nice boy" either! My sister, I don't have to worry about. She always had a fit whenever she saw a boy talking to me... And she's only two years older than me!
I so love Nikki! -lmao! I was introduced to my wife by a female friend. The kicker was, this friend was my little sister's best friend and she had a crush on me and stepped to me and said that she wanted us to date.
I told her I don't date my sibling's friends. (that and we had very little in common) Anyway, too much stickiness involved. Anyway, sista gurl arranged for my wife and I to meet at a reception of one of her friends who was getting married.
Although my wife and I didn't know what she was up to at the time, the jig was up when she kept asking me questions about what I thought about my wife and she was asking her what she thought about me. Long story short, well.... 10 years and counting of marriage and 4 years of courtship before that.
My family has good taste and even though they've never tried to do it, I would put faith into them if they did attempt to hook me up with some woman they knew.
My cousins met and befriended my husband first but we all met the same day. At the first family event he was already comfy because he knew the extended family and what to expect.
Last night he called one of the cousins regarding a family trip. I think its great because it means he actually wants to hang out with my relatives and I don't have to organize our get-togethers.
I think an arranged situation could work well and certainly makes for a smoother combining of marriage, family and friends.
Umm...I can't check for that. A lot of your points are valid in that most of the people we meet and end up dating and sometimes marrying were because of someone else's influence. But, I think we take it to another level when it is someone my family and I have met for the first time. I am not sure how that could ever work. Because you have to at least like the person. I wouldn't want to do anything with him. Hmm...that seems pretty awkward. My family would probably disown me if that were a tradition of ours, I am not sure I could pull that one off.
Hey...drop by my blog today. Interesting post.
KimPossible
Sometimes hookups are not the best thing...what if things don't work out...and there is some mess that can sometimes mess up friendships...i don't mind someone wanting to introduce me to someone...but don't expect me to fall head over heels and don't judge me if i don't...that's all i'm saying. My first time here, and i'm enjoying.
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