The Definition of an Old Maid...

Single Ladies, Is this How You Define Yourself?

Old Maid n (ca. 1530) 1: Spinster; an unmarried woman and esp. one past the common age for marrying; a woman who seems unlikely to marry. 2: a prim, fussy person. 3: a simple card game in which cards are matched in pairs and the player holding the unmatched card at the end loses.


Well, well, well, who would have known that we were going to play real life musical chairs as adults? I remember playing the game in school and at birthday parties as a kid. You remember? When the music is playing you walk around a cirlce of chairs, but when the music stops, everyone scrambles for a chair. Then one person will be left without a chair. Hmmm. It seems like the real life card game of Old Maid works the same way. The music has stopped, and some of us are left without a husband. WHERE'S MY CHAIR? WHERE'S MY HUSBAND? That's what society has brainwashed us to think.

Now that the holiday season is about to roll around, watch and see how many folks ask you why you are still single and never have been married or never have been engaged for that matter. Be prepared for the inquisition/interrogation. Folks will demand answers from you, especially if you plan to spend your holidays in your hometown where you no longer live. That's the case for me. I hail from a few places (via college campus to college campus during my childhood), however, the place I consider my hometown happens to be a gossipy little town in North Carolina. Nobody, DO YOU HEAR ME???, nobody is nosier than old ladies (old bats) from the south. They are professional athletes. They train year-round. In fact, they're prepared to swim deep and long into your personal business as if it was an Olympic pool. So be prepared for the professionals.

My family and close family are excluded from the lynch mob (inquisition/interrogation board). They already know why I have "chosen" not to marry yet. I'm not against the idea of marriage, I just haven't met the one. I happen to think that love is a beautiful thing. So, we don't engage in long, tiresome conversations about my prospects. I've already told them when God sends me the right one, I'll let them know when to call the bakery. (side note: I love cake!!!) They are satisfied with my answer. But the Inquisition/Interrogation League of Noses will be in full swing during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Day. They will first ask things like they are so innocent when they can see that a ring isn't on your finger. Then they will ask why a pretty girl like you hasn't been snatched up. Then they'll ask, perhaps, whether you are too independent with your little college degree, car, home, and hoity toity job. Then they'll say how sad it is that you haven't birthed any children, and basically how your whole existence is such a waste pretty similar to a crumpled up piece of paper, which has no future other than ending up in a dumpster.

Well, next week I'll be ready for the Society Noses. Here's an announcement. ==> I ain't no punk, or wimp, or chump!!! I know how to handle the nosey society ladies. *hee hee* It's just a matter of conservational manipulation. There's a way to get the upper hand. Watch me:
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Scene: **Zee At The Grocery Store Minding Her Business**

Mrs. Old Hag: Well, Hello, Aziza. I see that you're here from Maryland. Oh. I saw your new car. It's looks like you're doing well.

Zee: Hello, Mrs. Old Hag. Yes, I'm here for the holidays. I just thought I'd pick up a couple of things at the store to bake a pecan pie and a coconut cake.

Mrs. Old Hag: Umm. Aziza, how's your love life? Have you been keeping company with a young man? Aren't you concerned about nature's clock? You young gals act like you all don't need a man. You all are just too independent. Perhaps, you should have waited to buy your first place after you married. What can a man do for you now, since you got everything? If you go to grad school, you surely won't find a man. Too much education could scare the prospects away. You really should have married a nice fellow from your college classes in the past. My son and and daughter-in-law have a beautiful home. They have a couple of kids and are doing really, really well. My son is looking at becoming partner at his firm. *brag* *brag* *brag* *blah blah* *blah blah* *blah blah* *blubber* *gum smacking* *gibberish*

Zee: *Instead of frowning, Zee smiles.* I'm doing well...I'm fine.... *Zee selectively ignores questions.*

Zee: Oh, by the way, how is your other son doing? *Zee knows that Mrs. Old Hag's 30-Something year old, non-working, lazy son lives with her and plays computer games all daylong* -- *See how I turned that conversation around? *Hmph*

Mrs. Old Hag: *Clears Her Throat And Looks Away.* Umm. Son of Hag is doing well. Well, Aziza, it was nice seeing you. Take care. And tell your family that I said Hello.

Zee: Will Do. Happy Thanksgiving!!!! *Zee Cops A Meow Mix Chessy Cat Smile*

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Now don't get me wrong. All folks aren't like old hags. There are a few other well meaning folks. There are some nice old ladies with nice, intelligent, handsome, employed, unmarried, straight, God-fearing sons. If they ask me if I'm not married, they may be asking to get me in contact with their sons. That's cool. I might even enjoy that.

Aside from all of this, single sisters shouldn't feel bad about their marital status (or the lack there of). There's nothing to be ashamed of. Therefore, there is no reason to stay home during the holidays trying to hide from the world. Please don't sit around reminiscing about failed relationships and missed opportunities. Get that hair done, dress up, and enjoy yourself at the holiday parties. Don't worry about finding a husband, because God is in control and knows what we need. Besides how can you meet Mr. Right, if you don't get out? That's what some folks told me. *wink*