Unsolicited and Unwarranted Advice

Blah...Blah...Blah...And what not...
And Blah...Blah...Blah...


Preface: Please note that I believe that "advice" can be a wonderful tool to help us make important decisions, depending upon the person who doles out the advice, the motivation behind the advice-giving, and the manner in which it is given. I surely have been the beneficiary of great advice, and don't mind saying so, since I believe that it was a labor of love. Whether I asked for advice or not, some loving and well meaning folks have really come through for me. And I thank them for that.

Some suggest that advice is "always for the best." In fact, a couple of older cousins of mine engaged in a coversation battle of "One-Upmanship" a few years ago after we attended my uncle's funeral. Just as a little background information, my older brother and I were also riding in the car enroute to the Veterans' cemetery. One of my cousins was raised in the North and the other in the South. And each is a "self-professed expert" on various issues both big and small. The battle conversation involved burial arrangements. If the occassion had been a family reunion, they would have been debating about grilling techniques or etiquette. They actually get along quite well, but they just can't resist the calling of the One-Upmanship. Here's their conversation:

Antoinette (driving): When we get to the cemetery we're going to have to wait for them to set up Uncle T's casket.

Juanita: Well actually, we have to wait for the workers to set up the vault so that they can place the casket in it so many feet.

Antoinette: Well, after forty something years living in New York, I think that I should know the process in the North. I don't know what yall folks do in the South. But in New York, we do things this way. *holds heads up...thinking she got the last word*

Juanita: Well, you don't have to catch an attitude. I just wanted to properly educate you on the process. I worked with Aunt P who was an undertaker. And she said that the vault is used. I have specific education in this regard. *holds head up higher...rolling her neck thinking she got the last word*

Antoinette: There you go again with that attitude mess. But what you don't know is that I'm above that. I've evolved. I just want YOU to know about things so that you won't be walking around spouting incorrect information.

Juanita: Now, now... I wouldn't feel right within myself if I didn't help you to see a brighter day, clearer skies, and bluer waters. Afterall, I'm only concerned about your self-development and welfare.

Antoinette: I know that you want to win this conversation and show off in front of folks, but I really care about you as a person and I would be remiss in not calling you out on your wrongness. I'm telling you for your own special benefit.

Blah...Blah...Blah...This back and forth action went on for a while. But they were back on good terms within an hour. All this was done in fun and jest. So all was good in the neighborhood. Family can sometimes get away with that, but then there are others... Shall we proceed?

When The Foul Winds Of Unsolicited And Unwarranted Advice Blow Your Way, Tell The Miss or Mr. Know-It-Alls ==> To Shut Their Beaks!!!


Doesn't "so-called advice" usually start out like the following:

I don't mean to get in your business, but...

I'm not trying to tell you what to do with your life, but...

I'm only telling you this to help you out.

I started not to say anything, but...

Many times you can be minding your own business at your home, office, car, store, or somewhere else, when "Miss or Mr. Knowy Butts" will walk up or call you to offer their "so-called sage words of wisdom." Many of these folks are not family members or close friends. Usually they are "associates" at the most. They feel like their wisdom is red hot. So quite natually they can't wait to get this off their chests. They are the so-called experts on apparel, food preparation, home buying, car purchases, hair color, hair styles, home decor, home repair, dating, marriage, separation, divorce, child rearing, sex (normal and abnormal *frown*), rocket science, Multivariate Data Analysis, Atmospheric/Oceanic Meteorology, Euclidean Geometry, Atomic/Plasma Physics, Mysteries Behind the Double Helix, Jet Propulsion Systems, Thermal Engineering, and so on and so forth. All this posturing may serve as a mask for their jealousy of others.

The only problem with these experts is that they focus so much energy and time on educating and enlightening us that their own lives, families, and homes are all out of whack. At the very least, they should make sure their stuff is together before they try to put us in check or on blast. Over the years, I've encountered most of this most annoying bevhavior at my job. I bet some of these employees just can't wait to race their cars into the parking lot first thing in the morning, so that they can run up the stairs to inform us all on the finer points of life. In their eyes, there can never be enough advice to give. But at the same time, they "refuse" to receive advice. It's just a one-way street for them.

As a former quiet person, I use to endure these quasi educational sessions. I would smile and nod as if appearing to be interested. All the while, I would be wondering when this person would stop and mind her own business. Such an incident happened, when a co-worker of mine decided that I should meet her brother-in-law. The only thing is that she didn't tell me. Instead she gave him my home phone number without asking for my permission. But she informed me the next day, that her brother-in-law, who was 15 years older than I was at the time, was going to me calling that night. She was ADVISING me to meet her brother-in-law with intentions to marry him, although she and her family thought he was a little weird. She actually told me that if I married him and had a baby with him, possibly this would solve his weirdo problems. Now ain't that blip? I decided not to act a fool when the phone rang, because I felt sorry for the guy. He had gotten roped up into a situation without his knowledge as well. Mrs. Know-It-All didn't know that her brother-in-law and I were incompatible. He dutifully called me for a while, and I engaged in polite conversations. He was interested in the stripe that he was going to paint on the side of his car. And I wanted to talk about a political round table discussion I had seen earlier in the day on tv. Frankly, he wasn't interested in my interests, and I didn't know a thing about cars. So, this thrown together situation quietly fizzled out (after I politely and humanely told that guy what our fate was). After things ended, she said, "See the Lord sent you a good man and you didn't want him." If she knew anything about me, she would know that I prefer guys who are intelligent types classified by popular culture as nerds and geeks. I would have a ball at an engineers' conference. For sure!

That was ten years ago. Today, there is no way that I would let anything like that get that far. I place Knowy-Butts and Know-It-Alls on ignore or on limited communication status when they start to get wild. I wonder what took me so long to develop my technique.

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Song of the Day:

"Back Stabbers" by The O'Jays